Jeff: would you be jealous?
Me: yes.
Jeff: would you kill me?
Me: pfft, no. I’d just be there all the time.
Jeff: (laughs) would you do all my staff development for me?
Me: uh, YES
Jeff: oh man, you could move in with me—quit your job and do all my work for me, and live in Boston for free!
Me: oh man…don’t even suggest that! It’s too perfect! But…How could I afford to still live in Boston, though!? Without pay?
Jeff: get a side job! At a bakery or something…oh man, a VEGAN bakery… You know there’s some in town.
Me: oh man. (face palms) Stop it!
Jeff: (laughing) what? Why?
Me: remember that time you wouldn’t let me talk about you getting a pet pig, cause it would falsely get your hopes up? This is like that.
Jeff: (laughs)

Tonight on ‘Parks & Rec’ Leslie adopts a whole animal shelter of cats, dogs, bunnies annnnd an adorable pot bellied pig. Ben was telling Leslie they’d have to be euthanized if they weren’t all adopted. It was at this time that I discovered that the idea of a pet pig totally makes The Beard giddy. Which is insanely endearing. He’d name it “Moons Over My Hammy…Hammy for short.”

I tried to be funny and look up pig adoptions online, but he got super short with me about— especially after I found one named Leon in West Virginia for $300. “I just don’t want to hear anything about him cause it’ll get my hopes up, but then I’ll be disappointed because no place would allow for me to have a pig as a pet.”

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
For a curmudgeon, my bestie is an ooey-gooey softie, I swear. Hah! Love him.